To Build A Better Business … A Better Life

Stop Balancing … Start Synergizing

By Sherré DeMao

I am a collector of insights and inspirations. My most profound insights have been garnered through a continuous mode of learning … new things, of course, but mostly from taking an honest and concentrated look at my mistakes and the mistakes others have made. It is through this intentful evaluation of how a problem, situation, or decision could have been handled differently, adjusted, avoided, prevented, or anticipated that discoveries are made and true growth occurs.

For the many years of owning a business and living my life, I have been under the misguided notion that there needed to be balance.  The problem is it always meant choosing, adjusting, conceding, compromising, giving up, and maneuvering this or that in order to achieve this ultimate equilibrium. Everything that was being “balanced” was viewed as separate competing forces vying for my attention, pulling me in all directions along the way. As years continued to go by, I found myself getting more and more uncomfortable with the entire idea of balance. I found myself coming to the reality that it is never achievable, at least not in the way that I or anyone else was perceiving it to be.

Being the eternal optimist, this idea of it not being achievable felt frustrating and disheartening. How could I accept this and ever begin to bring everything into the order that it needed to be for me to have this elusive and ultimately desired balance? But then, I had an epiphany. I, we as a society, have had it all wrong. We have been focusing on the wrong side of the equation in this formula for a more happy, satisfying existence.

Work/Life Balance has become the mantra of every executive coach, training professional, magazine article, and a myriad of other resources that range from spiritual to being professed in a corporate values statement. Look in the dictionary and the definition for balance ranges from “a state of equilibrium or parity characterized by the cancellation of one set of forces by equal opposing forces” or “a satisfying arrangement or proportion of parts or elements.” And herein lies the problem. We are viewing our lives as these elements, parts, and opposing forces. Why is that? Why do we begin the whole process by viewing everything as separate and in conflict?

It was at this moment of enlightenment that I began to change my entire view of how to achieve a satisfying work and personal life. It was not about balancing at all. It was something much greater and much more exciting and exhilarating. It was and is about creating synergy in one’s life. Look up the word synergy in the dictionary and you find definitions such as “the interaction of two or more forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects” or “cooperative interaction that creates an enhanced combined effect.” No conflict, no forces going against one another, but rather a true sense of harmony being achieved in the most desirable way … positively and energetically. And the best part of all … the combined effort enhances and enriches to a greater sum than all those aspects separately could ever achieve. Now this is more like it! This is something I could embrace and run with … and that is exactly what I have done.

Several years ago, I started putting this concept into play in working with some of my entrepreneurial clients. I asked them to consider their personal goals along with their business goals when considering their short and long-term strategies. Instead of the business owner feeling forced to compartmentalize their personal life and their business life, I told them to accept and embrace the idea that these seemingly opposing forces could work together. I helped them accept the reality that anyone who owns a business fully knows, whether they want to admit it or not … that their business is their livelihood and their lifestyle is reliant on their business and its success. However, the real caveat was to also accept that making a living is not the same as making a life. This was something I myself had to take a hard look at as I was making my life my business — until of course, I was enlightened by the idea of synergy.

I also began to explore the whole idea of whose goals the goals being professed really were. And this is where I made another discovery. The reason that balance is so impossible is that many of us are trying to balance aspects of our lives that aren’t even part of who we are or want to be, but who someone else thinks we are or wants us to be. It is no wonder we feel conflict, opposing forces, and a myriad of other things that seem to sabotage and impede our ability to have balance. Quite simply, we are not quite sure these are things we really want to balance to begin with, therefore, we are subconsciously not all that motivated to achieve it.

So, how do you create synergy in your life? First, you must take a very honest look at what you truly and ultimately believe that you want and what will make you feel fulfilled, satisfied, and complete in your personal life and in your work life. This is not as easy as it appears, because of our entire mindset of opposing forces, needs, demands, etc, etc. You MUST forget about all of those things tugging at your psyche and truly get to the very core of what you really, truly want … what gets your passion flowing, your heart a flutter, your metabolism grooving, your mind racing with ideas, your energy soaring, and brings vitality to your future.

It is through this process that you can completely and honestly analyze your goals to know whether: they are your goals; or goals you think you should have; or ones that have been imposed upon you by society, a loved one, or some other influencing faction. Then you can weed out those goals that are not truly yours and focus entirely on those goals that get you excited and ready to take on the world.

This is where the process of synergy begins.

GOAL ASSESSMENT EXERCISE: To help you through this assessment process, get out a piece of paper and create a mind map. Put a circle that says Work Goals near the center and then link it with a circle that says Personal Goals. Then, branch with lines out from each circle writing all of your current personal and business related goals respectively on a separate line each. Then branch out from these goals with all the reasons for the goals. Then out of the reasons, write all your expected outcomes.

If mind mapping is too abstract, then do this exercise on two sheets of paper using three columns. One sheet is devoted to your personal goals. One sheet is devoted to your business/career goals. In the first column of each sheet, write your goals including short-term, long-term, any and all goals you have set for yourself in both areas of your life. In the second column, write your reasons. And then in the third column, write your expected or anticipated outcomes.

Write anything and everything that comes to mind, no matter how crazy, insignificant, dreamy, positive or negative it seems. Get it all down. Once you have done it, put it down, walk away for a moment and then go back and look at it. Really look at it. You may end up adding to it, and that is okay. Keep doing so until you simply cannot think of another thing to add.

You will begin to see some things you never really viewed in quite the same way before. You will begin to see for the first time where your mind’s eye begins, your heart’s desire beats, and where other influences have made their mark in shifting your focus away.

Now, weed out those goals that are not and were never your goals to begin with … and proceed on your journey towards a synergized life.

*     *     *

Interested in learning more about how to synergize your personal and business life? Then consider joining us for Me, Myself, & Inc.: When Business & Personal Goals Collide, a two hour workshop that guides you toward changing your mindset from balancing to synergizing your life. For more information, click on this link: http://www.sldunlimited.com/2006workshops.html.

There is no better time than NOW to turn possibility into probability!

© 2006 Sherré DeMao – SLD Unlimited Marketing/PR, Inc