Rewire Your Thinking to Achieve
Your Personal and Business Goals

By Sherré L. DeMao
As Published in Enterprising Women Magazine, Summer 2008 Issue

For many years of owning a business and living my life, I had been under the misguided notion that there needed to be balance. The problem is it always meant choosing, adjusting, conceding, compromising, giving up, and maneuvering this or that in order to achieve this ultimate equilibrium.

Everything that was being “balanced” was viewed as separate competing forces vying for my attention, pulling me in all directions along the way. As years continued to go by, I found myself getting more and more uncomfortable with the entire idea of balance. I found myself coming to the reality that it is never achievable, at least not in the way that I or anyone else was perceiving it to be.

Being the eternal optimist, this idea of it not being achievable felt frustrating and disheartening. How could I accept this and ever begin to bring everything into the order that it needed to be for me to have this elusive and ultimately desired balance? But then, I had an epiphany. I, we as a society, have had it all wrong. We have been focusing on the wrong side of the equation in this formula for a happier, satisfying existence.

Work/Life Balance has become the mantra of every executive coach, training professional, magazine article, and a myriad of other resources that range from spiritual to being professed in a corporate values statement. Look in the dictionary and the definition for balance ranges from “a state of equilibrium or parity characterized by the cancellation of one set of forces by equal opposing forces” or “a satisfying arrangement or proportion of parts or elements.” And herein lies the problem. We are viewing our lives as these elements, parts, and opposing forces. Why is that? Why do we begin the whole process by viewing everything as separate and in conflict?

It was at this moment of enlightenment that I began to change my entire view of how to achieve a satisfying work and personal life. It was not about balancing at all. It was something much greater and much more exciting and exhilarating. It was and is about creating synergy in one’s life.

Look up the word synergy in the dictionary and you find definitions such as “the interaction of two or more forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects” or “cooperative interaction that creates an enhanced combined effect.” No conflict, no forces going against one another, but rather a true sense of harmony being achieved in the most desirable way … positively and energetically. And the best part of all … the combined effort enhances and enriches to a greater sum than all those aspects separately could ever achieve. Now this is more like it! This is something I could embrace and run with … and that is exactly what I have done.

Several years ago, I started putting this concept into play in working with some of my entrepreneurial clients. I asked them to consider their personal goals along with their business goals when considering their short and long-term strategies. Instead of business owners feeling forced to compartmentalize their personal lives and their business lives, I told them to accept and embrace the idea that these seemingly opposing forces could work together. I helped them accept the reality, as anyone who owns a business fully knows whether they want to admit it or not … that their business is their livelihood and their lifestyle is reliant on their business and its success. However, the real caveat was to also accept that making a living is not the same as making a life. This was something I myself had to take a hard look at as I was making my life my business — until, of course, I was enlightened by the idea of synergy.

So, how do you create synergy in your life? First, you must take a very honest look at what you truly and ultimately believe that you want and what will make you feel fulfilled, satisfied, and complete in your personal life and in your work life. This is not as easy as it appears. Our entire mindset of opposing forces, conflicting needs, and overwhelming demands has been conditioned into our thinking at a very young age. You MUST forget about all of those things tugging at your psyche and truly get to the very core of what you really, truly want … what gets your passion flowing, your heart a flutter, your metabolism grooving, your mind racing with ideas, your energy soaring, and brings vitality to your future. This is where the process of synergy begins.

Throughout my own journey as well as witnessing the transformation of others over nearly 25 years in business working with entrepreneurs, I have found three key affirmations to resonate over and over again. These affirmations, or what I prefer to call a commitment or promise to myself, have now become critical to the very core of helping me reach my goals as well as helping others rewire their thinking in reaching their goals. I have also witnessed these same three commitments to be at the core of others who have succeeded over extensive odds. Now it is time to make these three promises ones you keep with yourself in order to synergize your life and work.

Promise #1: I will either find a way or make a way. At first glance, this statement could be taken out of context and potentially do more harm than good, so let’s get something straight right now. This promise is about determination and forging forward toward your goals, but not at the expense or detriment to anyone or anything. So, you must also make the agreement with yourself that you will be impeccable in your actions and live up to your word at all times.

In finding a way or making a way, it will be more about paying attention to opportunities, keeping your mind open to the possibilities, and having the tenacity not to be discouraged in the face of disappointment, challenges, unexpected turns and delays. As a child growing up, I was blessed with the words of my grandmother, who said time and time again that I could do anything I set my mind out to do if I had faith in myself and my ideas. I remember countless times reminding myself of these words each time I set out to go beyond my comfort zone in striving to achieve a certain goal.

When you set out to find a way or make a way, you are giving yourself permission to succeed. It’s that simple. You are saying it is okay to be determined and to have this goal and that you believe in this goal and what it will bring to you and others as a result. With each goal that you are able to apply this commitment to, you can see its end result because you have such passion behind it that it does not seem so insurmountable.

Promise #2: I will not feel guilty about making life easier for myself. This is probably the toughest one of all to follow. We as a society in general seem to like making things harder on ourselves as some kind of right of passage for earning a goal or achievement. Some of us may think that if we don’t do something entirely on our own, then we somehow have not earned it quite as purely or valiantly. Many of us have heard that you must work hard to be successful, and while this is true to a certain extent, we don’t have to work as hard at working hard.

What do I mean by this? Quite simply, we need to take a step back every now and again and ask ourselves if there is an easier way to achieve the same end result in whatever stage we are in while working toward our goal. Making a task or step in the process easier for ourselves is not slacking or taking a shortcut, it’s just plain smart. Why work harder when you can work smarter, more efficiently, or have help along the way?

Another aspect of making life easier on ourselves is to not take so many things so personally and to not jump to conclusions. How many times do we catch ourselves worrying about things that never happen because we make assumptions? How many times do we undermine our own ability to continue during a setback because we take whatever happened so personally instead of simply learning from the situation so as to make it easier the next go around? Once you truly make a conscious effort to ask yourself how something can be accomplished more easily, or how you can make your life easier to deal with, you will open yourself completely to being able to adhere to

Promise #3: I will keep my mind open to all possible support and resources. How open-minded are you really? Sometimes people who perceive themselves to be very open minded and demonstrate it at various levels still hinder their ability to reach their ultimate goals because they discard possible options or are afraid to take risks once set on a certain path in their journey.

What is most important to remember with this promise is that you must be open to support and resources from unexpected places. This is where people who have synergized their lives are strides ahead of others. They understand that a means of support or a resource they could use may very well come from somewhere out of nowhere and could be missed if not open to its potential. You could also have a means of support or a resource literally under your nose and for some reason it has been discarded or not even considered due to some obscure belief or perception that holds you back from seeing it as an opportunity.

Probably the most important aspect of being open to all possible resources and support is that by doing so, you are also following Promise #1 and #2. You will be finding a way or making a way and you will also be making life easier for yourself in the process. Now doesn’t this sound like a much more exciting way to move forward toward your goals than how you were operating before?

What people have found as they have put these three commitments into action is that they are in a better place to be at their best at all times. Being and doing your best is something that those of us who are goals-driven strive for on a daily basis. The reality is that sometimes we don’t feel so hot. Then what? Well, then that is when having resources or support helps us still do our best when we are perhaps not at our best. Now that is synergy in motion!

Everything in your life and business begins and ends with you. Accept that this is true and then realize that it is really about the mindset you operate from each and every day. If your thinking is holding you back, then it’s time for a new way of thinking.